i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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