eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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