So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
