Your dad touched me again.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
