No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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