Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
