Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
