I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
