I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize