he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
