note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
