Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had sex on a roof
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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