im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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