there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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