He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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