Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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