sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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