i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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