There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
