i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
