she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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