my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
