I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
