nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The best revenge is premature balding
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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