Dual....:-)
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
