your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
