Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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