at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
