Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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