dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize