I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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