just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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