areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
