I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
