I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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