Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
