with your own penis?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
