you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
