Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
