it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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