I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
