I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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