So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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