And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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