Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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