oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
