So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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