I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
