I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
did i walk over a car last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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