Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
