Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
