there was a trapeze. enough said
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize