She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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