I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
