Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
