I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
