I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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