how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
