i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
