I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
