So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
