Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
